strange things will happen ... if you let them.

I watched 500 Days Of Summer / District 9 last night (: Thank-you Hollywood, one of the reasons why I still enjoy being employed by you. I had a movie night with one of my best friends boo-boo-face ((: After eating, watching movies, & especially watching 500 Days of Summer. Things like fate, destiny, realism, etc. What are we really living for? " You have to find your true self, before you could love anyone else".



You have to truly find yourself, love yourself, be thankful, and bask in gratitude. In believing in anything, can make you truly sane.

all I wanted was you ... all I wanted was you.

I haven't updated in forever :]

Been busy working two jobs, & schooling it. It's mainly customer service / receptionist / front desk. It's interesting. I've also been working out again. It's strange because I really wanted the lvac job, because I wanted to be closer to Booface. I see him on occasion, I love our conversations. Even if it lasts for a few minutes or hours. Even if months, it were to fade, he really is one of my best friends. Speaking of "best friends", Fe-Fe hit me up... it seemed like I was avoiding his phone calls, but now-days I barely have time. It's nice to hear from him ever now & then, & even when I have to brush him off, lol. There's just people that'll always have a significance in your life, anytime you have a chance to even look back to see how far you've come to look at what's in front of you. I'm grateful, I'm at the place I'm at right now. I wouldn't have gotten so far without my faith. Eventually I'll have one job, & everything will fall into place. Right now I'm doing my thing. ((=

can you tell?

have I been discreet?

So I've come to conclusion in my job front, I need to move on. Being in a company that's about to be bankrupt = no bueno. I'm on the prowl as they would say. I lost my voice for the past two days, I will entirely blame in on the flu season / weird vegas weather. Today I watched SLC PUNK... that movie is great :] Matthew Lillard is awesome. It's set in the 80's... all about anarchy, and punks.



Lately I've been attracting all the wrong people. "Fe-fe" has been hitting me up, I haven't had the chance to reply or I couldn't. Too bad for him. And at work, I guess everyone & their mama has a "crush" on me over there. Lol low-key I have a crush on Chris. We all know you don't mix business with pleasure. Oh well, I got my mind on my $$$, & $$$ on my mind.

....or expectations on your whereabouts. & oh, did I let you go?

I haven't been updating, I've been sick, & mid-terms are coming up.
Lol I have been lagging on working out, I think I miss running daily... I shall get back to that. Other than that, I'm trying to focus on what matters most.

& in this moment I am happy... happy.

Last night, had the time of my life. I haven't had one of those in forever. Met up with Christina ! (yeah she came back to get stuff back to move it out to Texas) Tish, Liz, & Kyle. I seriously missed the old crew, nostalgia hovered over me. Time flies when you're having fun, summer was no exception. It's already November, & I feel the changes in the air :] The summer breeze is now turning into a winter chill. It's almost been a year, since I've met someone who had a big significance in my life. What ever we are now, can never define what we were or what we had become. I'm still living my life. I have another car, new phone, paying for things on my own... the next step is to move out. And everything I've accomplished by myself, I feel like I can do it. I'm thankful to God, seriously there are many times I've had my doubts after everything I've been through, but I never doubted my faith. I don't care what anyone says.

well I gamble away my time...

So pretty much that was what I was for Halloween (: A Native American... although everyone felt the need to call me Pocahontas.
October was horrible but I feel like November will be picking up. It's all in your head. Laws of Attraction baby! I'll update more when I come home... I gotta go <3

crackberry, literally.

So I have the new Blackberry 3520 all white, trackpad instead of the ball. Truthfully that whole ball thing was the only thing stopping me getting a blackberry, ever. I never had one in my life, nor an iphone. Let me tell you.... this shit is addicting. haha (: The only downfall, no flash on the camera on the phone, & when I'm on the phone I can't hear when I receive text messages. Other than that... it's true love. (;

rest in peace baby monster.

My cookie monster passed away two days ago :[ It still saddens me. She's in a much better place. She's been sick for weeks before she passed, but I was too ignorant / busy to really see that. Nick tells me, that I couldn't have prevented it, or it was neither my ignorance. Things happen for a reason, for better or worse. I will always have good memories with her. She was my baby mon mon, my cookie monster, baby monster. I will always love that lil' one. Like everyone else, she brought a smile to my face. Poor little thing, you're no longer in pain, probably running free up above. I hope Tiff is watching over her. <3

it's like an old flame that never dies out.

I had tumblr, cheated on blogspot for awhile. But I came back, because I wanted to really blog, unlike tumblr, it's all pictures, & one sentence that says more than an in depth thought. I still drown myself in caffeine, indulge in wine, and smoke hookah. Since I left blogspot, a lot of things happened, I met people, went places, & did things. I was starting to fall for someone but as fate stepped in, like an old girlfriend... no punt intended, it was unexpected.

I will always care for him, I realized, I haven't stopped. It was real for a minute. I met people through work, I'll always remember them. This summer was probably one of the best summers of my life, I definitely grew up. I'm still growing... I went back to school, got promoted on my job, had a car accident. That day was certainly not the brightest, but I had him.

One thing I learned about him, was to keep an open mind. He always protected me, & never broke my heart. There will always be something in the pit of my stomache.

So instead I’ma finish my drink ...

and have another, while you think about how you used to be my lover.

I haven't updated in Blogspot in a minute, because I like Tumblr. Yes, I have a tumblr... had one since, Feb.

Here's new with me since I left ya
.

Got a new puppers, & I drink more wine than hard alcohol now.
Actually I barely drink hard now-days. I'm always a home-boddy or in a chill type of mood. Kick off your shoes & relax your feet type of mood. I miss my old days off though, let me tell you. I miss bumming it at a certain slut's house & eating peanut butter sandwiches & my tummy grumbling. I was too tired to go home, so I slept in your bed, & you always took care of me. I liked that... that's hard to find with the exception of you loving drugs than you can love me. Anyway ... I also got another tattoo.


Other than that... all I care about is the $$$, & God of course, way before that. A bad girl gone good. This summer was not as bad as the rest of my adolecent summers. Thank God for that, one.

gin & juice.

I can't sleep...
& I'm mad D-Rose & the bulls aren't playing in the series anymore.



I've been busy, I want a new whip, I'll get a new whip. If I really want something I'll get it. Yay, I got me a new ipod, it's pink (:

& aw I got my Can't Hardly Wait DVD, still waiting for my Empire Records in the mail, also got these pictures from my crazy rapper friend, & my cousin anne sent me a pic of leilani & a card. I love getting shit in the mail, thank-you, thank-you <3 style="font-weight: bold;">tumblr & twitter still ((: It's addicting.
Everyone's trying to hook me up w/ their friend, cousin, brother, etc.
But I'm content, I'll always be. I just have been having a sleeping problem lately. Fuck that. lol. Back to work, sell ... sell... sell. Flirt, smile, flirt. Same old.
2 more months til =D mucho excited.
I have a lot of stuff planned for the months of May-August, wish me luck. xoxo.
July will be the month of all months, turning 20 in August, yay. (:

Everything has been sweet none the less. <33

back in the day when i was kid, i'm not a kid anymore, sometimes...

i wish i was a kid again.

so yesterday was fun & random, loved every minute of it. thank GOD ! i'm alive.
woke up early to meet up with Carlos so he could do my tattoo (:


that's the only upclose picture i have for now.
4 hours of pain & sometimes tickling (;
afterward byn-bby hit me up... we decided to kick it finally after many many months.
she picked me up when i went home. ate some cereal, still hungry... jolliebees, haven't been there in a minute either. two-piece chicken w/ rice & a bottled water.
met up w/ her cali boys at circus circus, awww i felt like a big family (:
fun times in the car (; then went to the northside to a kickback... more cali guys.
it was weird, a vegas house, & all cali dudes. i had a nice time, now i want to go to cali :]
everythings been chill, i've been down for whatever... got my mind right, money tight. lol
i can't wait for christal's babyshower, & when sheena gets her car, &... summer. bring it, baby.

coachella !!!!!!!!!!!.

I can not attend this year, I know for sure. Next year I will find someone down with me to camp for 3 days, & pay $200-300 something, DAMNIT *$&$^*(@&(*&@&#@*(40^.

Made a date with Divinity, but she wouldn't let me fuck.

Hola ! Aloha ! :]

Went to my 2nd interview, & I think I did snazzy. Almost got stuck in the parking lot, bought some white nail polish. Finally purchased this movie...



" It always fascinated me how people go from loving you madly to nothing at all, nothing. It hurts so much. When I feel someone is going to leave me, I have a tendency to break up first before I get to hear the whole thing. Here it is. One more, one less. Another wasted love story. I really love this one. When I think that its over, that I'll never see him again like this... well yes, I'll bump into him, we'll meet our new boyfriend and girlfriend, act as if we had never been together, then we'll slowly think of each other less and less until we forget each other completely. Almost. Always the same for me. Break up, break down. Drunk up, fool around. Meet one guy, then another, fuck around. Forget the one and only. Then after a few months of total emptiness start again to look for true love, desperately look everywhere and after two years of loneliness meet a new love and swear it is the one, until that one is gone as well. There's a moment in life where you can't recover any more from another break-up. And even if this person bugs you sixty percent of the time, well you still can’t live without him. And even if he wakes you up every day by sneezing right in your face, well you love his sneezes more than anyone else's kisses. "

So I would like to hit the gym this week. I should...
I'm exhausted, & I think the blast from the past was trying to hit. Nostalgia, then came over me. I'm just dandy although. Many new faces then hit...
I've been saying hit a lot lol (;
& the funny thing is, you always want this one person to hit you up, but they don't. Other people in their place do but you move on. & one day, just a normal day, their ugly face reappears.

"love without second guesses only second chances"
"to be trusted is a far greater compliment than to be loved."

No wonder why people run to me like I'm Dr. Phil, I've always grew up in unhealthy relationships. (; Everyone today in my house was like.. yadaa yadaaa.. POINT BLANK!
It's easy as A-B-C, but you make it more complicated than usual.
& that's not real.

i'm so hard for a rich girl, my heels are high, & i don't know how to love...

this weekend was unbelievable productive, & managed to stay busy.
that's what's up :]
purchased items, i've been wanting to score! :] i think i'm finally getting empire records.
- cute voodoo string dolls, american apparel items, m.a.c. eyeshadow case.
- two lame kickbacks, with lame perverted males. some youngin's. i'm sorry i'm going to be 21 next year, i don't think so. smoked hookah, because i couldn't drink, needed to get lightheaded.
- made cutesy hair bows, hot topic or other stores would charge like 2-8 bucks for. LAME ! Going to make more & more. <33 All shapes & sizes.



Easter was off the hook (; Marianne's in laws, had a talk w/ mikey in the car (:
Food & cute deserts.


- Saturday, Anthony randomnly hit me up, asked me to watch I Love You, Man w/ him at SunCoast, I was like Thank-God ! I don't have to drive... I was deadbeat on Friday w/ the girls.
Hilarious, the dude from Hot Rod was in it, Paul Rudd, & the guy from Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

Last but not least, I think I have a job now :]]]]] $$$$$$$$$$$.
& also, Jesus has risen, & lent is over. Who would like to drink?! ;]

so I've been sleeping with this silence in my mind...

All I've been doing is working out, staying in, watching movies, & job-hunting.
I miss blogging on a daily, I used to blog on my myspace.
Hopefully ! I get the front desk position at the hospital, because... I prefer not to work in retail, but a jobs' a job. I'm obsessed with cellphone string charms. I currently want the voodoo string dolls. (:

hong kong garden :]

what tickles my heart at the moment :
weird music, that I can rock out to.
indie music, that I can end my day.
the ending of the french - english subtitled movie Amelie '


" So, my little Amélie, you don't have bones of glass. You can take life's knocks. If you let this chance pass, eventually, your heart will become as dry and brittle as my skeleton. So, go get him, for Pete's sake! "


- buzznet & their bloggers.
- accessories galore.
- assholes & their one-liners, just for kicks, it makes me laugh.
- milk & cereal, but that addiction won't ever get kicked.


so i've gotten good deals on my american apparel items, & bought some new m.a.c. makeup.
go me! other than that. my life has been chill... doing what i have to do.
& to end this blog.
" everyday your name slowly fades away from my heart. "
damn i'm listening to much emo-indie lately. cool- cool. xoxo.

i am aiming to be somebody that somebody trusts...

Dear online diary,
My nightmares, had a hidden message, change was coming, & so was a challenge. They say it's a hard knock life for us, but you could have whatever you like. What's your dreams, your ambitious? Can you aim high enough? Oh, don't give up. " Can't knock the hustle! "

Today I fought, like Gandhi, I didn't need to raise a voice, or talk down. Instead I fought with humor. I'm letting go...


You have to live your life, right?

if you give them the chance, don't sell your heart...

weekend whirlwind, lots of tears, fears, which leads to motivation, dream chasing & making.
-daddy's birthday, sushi, ran into ex-new gf ( she dogged me hah )-his whole fam, bowling ran into druggies / drunkies, fights, we can laugh as we look back type of shit.
- barnes & noble, sister, tears, older sister, old friends, shoe whoring ( gladiator wedges- two pairs ) sexy-sexy.
- northtown, chilling, focused.

guys are funny, " why you so mean to me? "

you're not the only one I'm mean to, don't feel special.

"Provide, Profess, Protect" - Act like a lady, Think like a man. Good book, comedian Steve Harvey wrote, point-blank.

I can do this, please do not feed me negativity, like it's so hard bullshit, I know. But anything is possible. From slums to riches. P.S. I watched Slumdog Millionaire ); Good movie.

the shoes I've been wanting, finally got em', plus these other cute shoes =]

i see the paths your eyes wander down, i wanna come to...

“…nobody gets everything they want unless they lose something they love, like their integrity. ” - Gossip Girl.

I'm not going to write a subliminal message through any poems I write. I will be straight up & tell you as a grown woman, that I miss you.

Take it as is.

lights black, heads bang, you're my drug, we live in it. you're drunk... you need it, real love i'll give it.

the first two, are from the April Issue of BlackBook Magazine. (=
Anyway got my brazilet finally, wish me luck [;
Just got done watching Godfather 1&2. Lesson learned... " keep your friends close, but keep your enemies, closer."
Jorel told me, it's one of the gangster movies, ( certain people ) like, because "it's so bad it's good" along with Goodfellas, which I liked too.

we in the bed like ohhh.. ohhh.. ohhh. memories in the car.

After much thought, thought to myself...

“Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I'm not perfect and I don't live to be. But, before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean.”

Lately I've been down & out, for some strange reason, but I will let the good times roll. It's springtime, I have my mind set, time to push the pedal to the metal. Me & Christal had a reminiscence conversation, I miss her mucho, I miss our good-times. I've known her since we were cool kids, kicking rocks in the playground. " Hey are you filipina?"
" Yeah.."
Weeks later... she & her sister show up at my doorstep, & her sister is my sister's bestfriend.
We played outside with the same people Keith, Chelsea, Annabell, Dante, & the rest is history.













Never judged, categorized me, simply melly-boo. Whewww especially on my birthday last year.
" You put yourself in difficult situations "
Remember that one time, nacho cheese breath, or how we met the gang, on my birthday night.
That time I had to force her to go to applebees w/ me, when that one dude liked me eek.
Our many escapades after she got off of White House Black Market, me sneaking out at 11 o'clock at night, going out every fri-sat-sunday was our ritual.
Movies, healthy food, sleepovers anywhere wasn't unusual. Makeup was a plus. Sharing clothes was a necessity, changing in the car. Oh I miss it all. P.S. how we didn't see each other for weeks, and then magically we had the same haircut or color, without telling each other.

I have so many memories w/ many people. But a few takes the cake of my top memories, fo'life. Thank You for accepting me as who I am. I got to experience my high school life with you. Gangsta-Gangsta ;]

horoscopes.

A friend's been getting a little bit too greedy for your time. Make some boundaries.

Overview

Meet new people and find new ways to interact with them today -- you can get quite playful if you desire! It's a really good time to start off in new directions that you don't need to commit to yet.

& i'm still waiting on that brazilet (; My sister Roxanne helped me a lot this weekend, so so grateful to have an older sister, sisters, another blog thanking my sisters'. Anywho, Lindo Michican, they have one in Northtown ! :D Fun times, used the fisheye camera finally. Shoe shopped, found this hot ass peep toe, steve maddens. They look so good with shorts<3

Met some guys, as usual. Random stores such as DSW, Smiths. Gymed it.

I miss some people(s). I realized that.

when you wish upon a star...

I am so fucking motivated, fuck the bullshit. For real, for real. (=
So today Nee came over & we watched, Sex & the City Season 3, & let me tell you, truth hurts, & people will cheat, honesty is a must in a relationship. It's true life.

Aunt Flow is back in action, & allergies are kicking in, but I'm not whining, just telling it like it is.

I'm dandy (: I'm going to watch all my wildest dreams come true, not one of them involving you ;D

what if i fall & hurt myself, would you know how to fix me?

why yes, I do miss him.

recap of my random weekend.
- purchased twilight, & disney films such as, pinnochio, the little mermaid <3
- lunch w/ roxy & her friend amber, aw we had a girl-talk / lunch @ sammys woodfire.
oh & extra cardio, just walking around townsquare beforehand. met, a cute d.j. boy (((=
- visited christine & jorel at 12 in the morning.
- saw yule again, she cracks me up. watched pineapple express.
- vented to them... haha, i can't wait til after lent is over ;)
- shopped w/ roxanne, but bought nothing, fam-lunch thing.

totally grateful for having older sisters, i got lucky... it's the three musketeers. everytime i watch movies w/ sisters i go, hey reminds me of us. or the kardashians lol. even though mari is very voiced, i still love her.




aw <3 "we're never gonna be alone, ever, ever".
got to appreciate what you have in front of you.

where the wild things are... by me (=

this substance abuse, beauty runs skin so deep.
the warmth of a sober slumber, the places we meet.
mentality so dreary, he reaches out in pain.
the coarse touch of lips, the beating of your pulse & veins.
his cry for help is never enough, songs he strums so delicately.
the loving is so rough.
take it in to watch the days go by.
take it in, so we can go to sleep at night.
we are just counting the hours.
love me softly, dreaming of flowers.
touch it, so soft, hits you so hard.
this affiction, can only break us apart.
temptation in the sun, cold as night.
the taste of blood, sweat, and tears.
God only knows your fears.
hold me tight, hold me close, nightmares of slumber we will go.
take me to another place, take me to the weapon, cock, pull, and load.
falling down the street, meet me down the road.
kiss my eyes, hold my breath, visions of lust in another direction.
love so fiercely, a time to pretend, shooting down the stars, high in affection.

OMFG OMFG OMFG OMFG ! THE MEL SHOE.

Jeffrey Campbell, you touch me in a good way, I swear it.
Say hello to One Hundred & Fifty Bucks.
Thank you for using my name in a sexy positive feisty light.
I'm in love with the Mel shoe.

thinking, drinking, sinking, feeling.

watched Wanted today, finally w/ my sissy, pretty good.
" You know when you have a dream and you're half-awake, but still in the fringe of your brain, and when you open your eyes you're so damn glad it was a dream? "
Which ties into my dreams... I've been having dreams about "him" again, my subconscious is telling me something, & I've even tried to confront whatever I think it's been telling me, it didn't get me anywhere.

Life has been interesting lately, it's either new people or people I used to know... I like meeting new people, it spices up my life.

LG - Life's good (:

eternal sunshine of the spotless mind...

Too many guys think I'm a concept, or I complete them, or I'm gonna make them alive. But I'm just a fucked-up girl who's lookin' for my own peace of mind; don't assign me yours.

So I finally purchased that movie... (: It happened when I least expected it. Roxanne went on a movie spending crazy, her bartender, gave her a giftcard. Enter the Dragon w/ Bruce Lee, Emelie, Wanted, a some mafia gangsta movies she usually likes. Which reminds me... I watched Good Fella's the other day, loved it. [=


I love movies, art, film, music way too much. I still need to develop some film, but I only took two pics. I've been saving $$$'s. Moving soon + Tattoo's + movies. Things I love to love.

I realized with "him" we can't be amicable if I'm seen as a portion for foxes, & the other "him"... I'm just as into him as the next femme fatale. I wrote him a comment. LOL. heyyyy I can be nice with "him".

I'm going to brush negativity & ignorance aside, & if it feels like I'm not listening to you, honey I ain't. Because I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one :] I'm the only bitch, bitch! I can handle, at my worst & best. My life ain't a bitch though, no worries, ' cause I have three little birds. Blah must get my v-cut back from last year :[[ & be dark & tan like that too.. right now.. it looks like.
looked like...

a rebel without a cause.

I watched this when I got home, & I loved it :] I love oldies.
Today I bought Adventures in Babysiting & Flight of the Conchords season 1 :]
& I also got my fedora.

A Rebel Without a Cause <333
Jim : Hi
Judy: Hi.
Judy: Is this what it's like to love somebody?
Jim: I don't know.
Judy: What kind of person do you think a girl want?
Jim: A man..
Judy: Well yes...
Judy: but a man who could be gentle & sweet.. like you are.
Jim: *laughs*
Judy:& someone who doesn't run away when you want them
...like being Plato's friend when nobody else liked him.
That's being strong.
Jim: Wow
Jim: We're not going to be lonely anymore.
Ever, ever. Not you or me.
Judy: I love somebody. All the time I've been looking for someone to love me.
& now I love somebody, & it's so easy. Why is it easy now?
Jim: I don't know. It's easy for me too.
Judy: I love you Jim, I really mean it.
Jim: Well I'm glad.




I'm getting tired of the same old lines, Like aye baby this, Sup' ma. blah blah blah.
That wont get you anywhere home-boy. I've been there, done that. Seen it all... I'm so good, you can spit your game, & I'll be blindfolded, & I can spot it dead on.
I'm content with my life, & I don't need yours. I'm not a sappy ass chick. What gets me, is when guys fuck me over, or whatever they do... & try to come back tenfold, like second time is a charm. Is there anyone out there... that can prove to me chivalry ain't dead?

I want a Rebel Without A Cause... but with his shit together, thank-you very much.

God loves ugly...

“ Look at the ugliness. Yet one has a feeling within one that blinds a man while he loves you. You, with that feeling, blind him, and blind yourself. Then, one day, for no reason, he sees you as ugly as you really are and he is not blind anymore and then you see yourself as ugly as he sees you and you lose your man and your feeling… After a while, when you are as ugly as I am, as ugly as women can be, then, as I say after a while the feeling, the idiotic feeling that you are beautiful, grows slowly in one again. It grows like a cabbage. And then, when the feeling is grown, another man sees you and thinks you are beautiful and it is all to do over. "

don't rock my boat.

- told my father i'm moving out finally

- got to do what i got to do.

- thumbs up for accomplishing some dreams.

- & for future reference, i will get mine.

my body is sore, been working out, haha back to the summer bod, bring it.
i shine the best at summer, anyway. it's my season out of all seasons. i like how i'm darkest at that time.

point & case.



p.s. i get to bust out the colgates :)

p.p.s. hellz bellz + stussy = love. i can't wait. <3