I walked away from it all...

I haven't written in this blog in what it seems like forever, too many memories for me to not want to look back but I do, and too many memories that make me want to laugh. Things changed on so many different levels. I am not the girl I once was two years ago, I'm finally legal legal, but not out drinking like I used to. I miss how my friends used to be... I feel like they miss me how I used to be as well. Bittersweet, but that's life, you grow up.

"Don't cling to things, because everything is impermanent."

Good things to come though, I'm positive. Let's make this happen, as I always say.

strange things will happen ... if you let them.

I watched 500 Days Of Summer / District 9 last night (: Thank-you Hollywood, one of the reasons why I still enjoy being employed by you. I had a movie night with one of my best friends boo-boo-face ((: After eating, watching movies, & especially watching 500 Days of Summer. Things like fate, destiny, realism, etc. What are we really living for? " You have to find your true self, before you could love anyone else".



You have to truly find yourself, love yourself, be thankful, and bask in gratitude. In believing in anything, can make you truly sane.

all I wanted was you ... all I wanted was you.

I haven't updated in forever :]

Been busy working two jobs, & schooling it. It's mainly customer service / receptionist / front desk. It's interesting. I've also been working out again. It's strange because I really wanted the lvac job, because I wanted to be closer to Booface. I see him on occasion, I love our conversations. Even if it lasts for a few minutes or hours. Even if months, it were to fade, he really is one of my best friends. Speaking of "best friends", Fe-Fe hit me up... it seemed like I was avoiding his phone calls, but now-days I barely have time. It's nice to hear from him ever now & then, & even when I have to brush him off, lol. There's just people that'll always have a significance in your life, anytime you have a chance to even look back to see how far you've come to look at what's in front of you. I'm grateful, I'm at the place I'm at right now. I wouldn't have gotten so far without my faith. Eventually I'll have one job, & everything will fall into place. Right now I'm doing my thing. ((=

can you tell?

have I been discreet?

So I've come to conclusion in my job front, I need to move on. Being in a company that's about to be bankrupt = no bueno. I'm on the prowl as they would say. I lost my voice for the past two days, I will entirely blame in on the flu season / weird vegas weather. Today I watched SLC PUNK... that movie is great :] Matthew Lillard is awesome. It's set in the 80's... all about anarchy, and punks.



Lately I've been attracting all the wrong people. "Fe-fe" has been hitting me up, I haven't had the chance to reply or I couldn't. Too bad for him. And at work, I guess everyone & their mama has a "crush" on me over there. Lol low-key I have a crush on Chris. We all know you don't mix business with pleasure. Oh well, I got my mind on my $$$, & $$$ on my mind.

....or expectations on your whereabouts. & oh, did I let you go?

I haven't been updating, I've been sick, & mid-terms are coming up.
Lol I have been lagging on working out, I think I miss running daily... I shall get back to that. Other than that, I'm trying to focus on what matters most.

& in this moment I am happy... happy.

Last night, had the time of my life. I haven't had one of those in forever. Met up with Christina ! (yeah she came back to get stuff back to move it out to Texas) Tish, Liz, & Kyle. I seriously missed the old crew, nostalgia hovered over me. Time flies when you're having fun, summer was no exception. It's already November, & I feel the changes in the air :] The summer breeze is now turning into a winter chill. It's almost been a year, since I've met someone who had a big significance in my life. What ever we are now, can never define what we were or what we had become. I'm still living my life. I have another car, new phone, paying for things on my own... the next step is to move out. And everything I've accomplished by myself, I feel like I can do it. I'm thankful to God, seriously there are many times I've had my doubts after everything I've been through, but I never doubted my faith. I don't care what anyone says.

well I gamble away my time...

So pretty much that was what I was for Halloween (: A Native American... although everyone felt the need to call me Pocahontas.
October was horrible but I feel like November will be picking up. It's all in your head. Laws of Attraction baby! I'll update more when I come home... I gotta go <3

crackberry, literally.

So I have the new Blackberry 3520 all white, trackpad instead of the ball. Truthfully that whole ball thing was the only thing stopping me getting a blackberry, ever. I never had one in my life, nor an iphone. Let me tell you.... this shit is addicting. haha (: The only downfall, no flash on the camera on the phone, & when I'm on the phone I can't hear when I receive text messages. Other than that... it's true love. (;

rest in peace baby monster.

My cookie monster passed away two days ago :[ It still saddens me. She's in a much better place. She's been sick for weeks before she passed, but I was too ignorant / busy to really see that. Nick tells me, that I couldn't have prevented it, or it was neither my ignorance. Things happen for a reason, for better or worse. I will always have good memories with her. She was my baby mon mon, my cookie monster, baby monster. I will always love that lil' one. Like everyone else, she brought a smile to my face. Poor little thing, you're no longer in pain, probably running free up above. I hope Tiff is watching over her. <3

it's like an old flame that never dies out.

I had tumblr, cheated on blogspot for awhile. But I came back, because I wanted to really blog, unlike tumblr, it's all pictures, & one sentence that says more than an in depth thought. I still drown myself in caffeine, indulge in wine, and smoke hookah. Since I left blogspot, a lot of things happened, I met people, went places, & did things. I was starting to fall for someone but as fate stepped in, like an old girlfriend... no punt intended, it was unexpected.

I will always care for him, I realized, I haven't stopped. It was real for a minute. I met people through work, I'll always remember them. This summer was probably one of the best summers of my life, I definitely grew up. I'm still growing... I went back to school, got promoted on my job, had a car accident. That day was certainly not the brightest, but I had him.

One thing I learned about him, was to keep an open mind. He always protected me, & never broke my heart. There will always be something in the pit of my stomache.

So instead I’ma finish my drink ...

and have another, while you think about how you used to be my lover.

I haven't updated in Blogspot in a minute, because I like Tumblr. Yes, I have a tumblr... had one since, Feb.

Here's new with me since I left ya
.

Got a new puppers, & I drink more wine than hard alcohol now.
Actually I barely drink hard now-days. I'm always a home-boddy or in a chill type of mood. Kick off your shoes & relax your feet type of mood. I miss my old days off though, let me tell you. I miss bumming it at a certain slut's house & eating peanut butter sandwiches & my tummy grumbling. I was too tired to go home, so I slept in your bed, & you always took care of me. I liked that... that's hard to find with the exception of you loving drugs than you can love me. Anyway ... I also got another tattoo.


Other than that... all I care about is the $$$, & God of course, way before that. A bad girl gone good. This summer was not as bad as the rest of my adolecent summers. Thank God for that, one.

gin & juice.

I can't sleep...
& I'm mad D-Rose & the bulls aren't playing in the series anymore.



I've been busy, I want a new whip, I'll get a new whip. If I really want something I'll get it. Yay, I got me a new ipod, it's pink (:

& aw I got my Can't Hardly Wait DVD, still waiting for my Empire Records in the mail, also got these pictures from my crazy rapper friend, & my cousin anne sent me a pic of leilani & a card. I love getting shit in the mail, thank-you, thank-you <3 style="font-weight: bold;">tumblr & twitter still ((: It's addicting.
Everyone's trying to hook me up w/ their friend, cousin, brother, etc.
But I'm content, I'll always be. I just have been having a sleeping problem lately. Fuck that. lol. Back to work, sell ... sell... sell. Flirt, smile, flirt. Same old.
2 more months til =D mucho excited.
I have a lot of stuff planned for the months of May-August, wish me luck. xoxo.
July will be the month of all months, turning 20 in August, yay. (:

Everything has been sweet none the less. <33

back in the day when i was kid, i'm not a kid anymore, sometimes...

i wish i was a kid again.

so yesterday was fun & random, loved every minute of it. thank GOD ! i'm alive.
woke up early to meet up with Carlos so he could do my tattoo (:


that's the only upclose picture i have for now.
4 hours of pain & sometimes tickling (;
afterward byn-bby hit me up... we decided to kick it finally after many many months.
she picked me up when i went home. ate some cereal, still hungry... jolliebees, haven't been there in a minute either. two-piece chicken w/ rice & a bottled water.
met up w/ her cali boys at circus circus, awww i felt like a big family (:
fun times in the car (; then went to the northside to a kickback... more cali guys.
it was weird, a vegas house, & all cali dudes. i had a nice time, now i want to go to cali :]
everythings been chill, i've been down for whatever... got my mind right, money tight. lol
i can't wait for christal's babyshower, & when sheena gets her car, &... summer. bring it, baby.

coachella !!!!!!!!!!!.

I can not attend this year, I know for sure. Next year I will find someone down with me to camp for 3 days, & pay $200-300 something, DAMNIT *$&$^*(@&(*&@&#@*(40^.

Made a date with Divinity, but she wouldn't let me fuck.

Hola ! Aloha ! :]

Went to my 2nd interview, & I think I did snazzy. Almost got stuck in the parking lot, bought some white nail polish. Finally purchased this movie...



" It always fascinated me how people go from loving you madly to nothing at all, nothing. It hurts so much. When I feel someone is going to leave me, I have a tendency to break up first before I get to hear the whole thing. Here it is. One more, one less. Another wasted love story. I really love this one. When I think that its over, that I'll never see him again like this... well yes, I'll bump into him, we'll meet our new boyfriend and girlfriend, act as if we had never been together, then we'll slowly think of each other less and less until we forget each other completely. Almost. Always the same for me. Break up, break down. Drunk up, fool around. Meet one guy, then another, fuck around. Forget the one and only. Then after a few months of total emptiness start again to look for true love, desperately look everywhere and after two years of loneliness meet a new love and swear it is the one, until that one is gone as well. There's a moment in life where you can't recover any more from another break-up. And even if this person bugs you sixty percent of the time, well you still can’t live without him. And even if he wakes you up every day by sneezing right in your face, well you love his sneezes more than anyone else's kisses. "

So I would like to hit the gym this week. I should...
I'm exhausted, & I think the blast from the past was trying to hit. Nostalgia, then came over me. I'm just dandy although. Many new faces then hit...
I've been saying hit a lot lol (;
& the funny thing is, you always want this one person to hit you up, but they don't. Other people in their place do but you move on. & one day, just a normal day, their ugly face reappears.

"love without second guesses only second chances"
"to be trusted is a far greater compliment than to be loved."

No wonder why people run to me like I'm Dr. Phil, I've always grew up in unhealthy relationships. (; Everyone today in my house was like.. yadaa yadaaa.. POINT BLANK!
It's easy as A-B-C, but you make it more complicated than usual.
& that's not real.

i'm so hard for a rich girl, my heels are high, & i don't know how to love...

this weekend was unbelievable productive, & managed to stay busy.
that's what's up :]
purchased items, i've been wanting to score! :] i think i'm finally getting empire records.
- cute voodoo string dolls, american apparel items, m.a.c. eyeshadow case.
- two lame kickbacks, with lame perverted males. some youngin's. i'm sorry i'm going to be 21 next year, i don't think so. smoked hookah, because i couldn't drink, needed to get lightheaded.
- made cutesy hair bows, hot topic or other stores would charge like 2-8 bucks for. LAME ! Going to make more & more. <33 All shapes & sizes.



Easter was off the hook (; Marianne's in laws, had a talk w/ mikey in the car (:
Food & cute deserts.


- Saturday, Anthony randomnly hit me up, asked me to watch I Love You, Man w/ him at SunCoast, I was like Thank-God ! I don't have to drive... I was deadbeat on Friday w/ the girls.
Hilarious, the dude from Hot Rod was in it, Paul Rudd, & the guy from Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

Last but not least, I think I have a job now :]]]]] $$$$$$$$$$$.
& also, Jesus has risen, & lent is over. Who would like to drink?! ;]

so I've been sleeping with this silence in my mind...

All I've been doing is working out, staying in, watching movies, & job-hunting.
I miss blogging on a daily, I used to blog on my myspace.
Hopefully ! I get the front desk position at the hospital, because... I prefer not to work in retail, but a jobs' a job. I'm obsessed with cellphone string charms. I currently want the voodoo string dolls. (:

hong kong garden :]

what tickles my heart at the moment :
weird music, that I can rock out to.
indie music, that I can end my day.
the ending of the french - english subtitled movie Amelie '


" So, my little Amélie, you don't have bones of glass. You can take life's knocks. If you let this chance pass, eventually, your heart will become as dry and brittle as my skeleton. So, go get him, for Pete's sake! "


- buzznet & their bloggers.
- accessories galore.
- assholes & their one-liners, just for kicks, it makes me laugh.
- milk & cereal, but that addiction won't ever get kicked.


so i've gotten good deals on my american apparel items, & bought some new m.a.c. makeup.
go me! other than that. my life has been chill... doing what i have to do.
& to end this blog.
" everyday your name slowly fades away from my heart. "
damn i'm listening to much emo-indie lately. cool- cool. xoxo.

i am aiming to be somebody that somebody trusts...

Dear online diary,
My nightmares, had a hidden message, change was coming, & so was a challenge. They say it's a hard knock life for us, but you could have whatever you like. What's your dreams, your ambitious? Can you aim high enough? Oh, don't give up. " Can't knock the hustle! "

Today I fought, like Gandhi, I didn't need to raise a voice, or talk down. Instead I fought with humor. I'm letting go...


You have to live your life, right?

if you give them the chance, don't sell your heart...

weekend whirlwind, lots of tears, fears, which leads to motivation, dream chasing & making.
-daddy's birthday, sushi, ran into ex-new gf ( she dogged me hah )-his whole fam, bowling ran into druggies / drunkies, fights, we can laugh as we look back type of shit.
- barnes & noble, sister, tears, older sister, old friends, shoe whoring ( gladiator wedges- two pairs ) sexy-sexy.
- northtown, chilling, focused.

guys are funny, " why you so mean to me? "

you're not the only one I'm mean to, don't feel special.

"Provide, Profess, Protect" - Act like a lady, Think like a man. Good book, comedian Steve Harvey wrote, point-blank.

I can do this, please do not feed me negativity, like it's so hard bullshit, I know. But anything is possible. From slums to riches. P.S. I watched Slumdog Millionaire ); Good movie.

the shoes I've been wanting, finally got em', plus these other cute shoes =]